St. Seraphim's Transfiguration in the Holy Spirit

  

A Conversation with Motovilov

"But how," I asked Father Seraphim, "can I know that I am in the grace of the Holy Spirit?" "It is very simple, your Godliness," he replied. "That is why the Lord says: All things are simple to those who find knowledge (Prov. 8:9, Septuagint). The trouble is that we do not seek this divine knowledge which does not puff up, for it is not of this world. This knowledge which is full of love for God and for our neighbour builds up every man for his salvation. Of this knowledge the Lord said that God wills all men to be saved, and to come to the knowledge of the truth (I Tim. 2:4). And of the lack of this knowledge He said to His Apostles: Are you also yet without understanding (Mat. 15:16)? Concerning this understanding [15], it is said in the Gospel of the Apostles: Then opened He their understanding (Lk. 24:45), and the Apostles always perceived whether the Spirit of God was dwelling in them or not; and being filled with understanding, they saw the presence of the Holy Spirit with them and declared positively that their work was holy and entirely pleasing to the Lord God. That explains why in their Epistles they wrote: It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us (Acts 15:28). Only on these grounds did they offer their Epistles as immutable truth for the benefit of all the faithful. Thus the holy Apostles were consciously aware of the presence in themselves of the Spirit of God. And so you see, your Godliness, how simple it is!"

"Nevertheless," I replied, "I do not understand how I can be certain that I am in the Spirit of God. How can I discern for myself His true manifestation in me?"

Father Seraphim replied: "I have already told you, your Godliness, that it is very simple and I have related in detail how people come to be in the Spirit of God and how we can recognize His presence in us. So what do you want, my son?"

"I want to understand it well," I said.

Then Father Seraphim took me very firmly by the shoulders and said: "We are both in the Spirit of God now, my son. Why don't you look at me?"

I replied: "I cannot look, Father, because your eyes are flashing like lightning. Your face has become brighter than the sun, and my eyes ache with pain."

Father Seraphim said: "Don't be alarmed, your Godliness! Now you yourself have become as bright as I am. You are now in the fullness of the Spirit of God yourself; otherwise you would not be able to see me as I am."

Saint Seraphim of Sarov-On inner peace

 (Precepts of Saint Seraphim of Sarov)

Inner peace is attained through affliction. The Scriptures say: We went through fire and through water, but Thou broughtest us out into a tranquil place (Psalm 66:12). Those who wish to please God must follow a path of many sorrows. How do we dare venerate the holy martyrs for the tortures they suffered for God’s sake, when we ourselves cannot endure even a single spark?

Nothing promotes the attainment of inner peace as much as silence and a continuous discourse with oneself, and rarely with others. Nothing is more excellent than peace in Christ, as it entirely destroys the warfare of the evil spirits of the air and the earth. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against the evil spirits in high places (Eph. 6:12).

The mark of spiritual life is one’s immersion into oneself and the hidden struggle within one’s heart. The grace of God envelops such a person, and at first he remains in a state of peace, and then by means of it he transitions to an other-worldly state, i.e. he is at peace by being of good conscience, and he is in an other-worldly state when his mind contemplates the grace of the Holy Spirit within himself.

Do we not rejoice upon seeing the sun with our physical eyes? Even more joyous is the sight of the Sun of truth – Christ the Lord – in the mind’s eye! In such a case we rejoice with the joy of angels. The Holy Fathers, being in a state of peace and enveloped by the grace of God, lived for a long time.

When a man attains a state of peace, he can radiate from himself the light of illumination of the mind unto others. This peace the Lord Jesus Christ left to His disciples before His death as some priceless treasure, saying: Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you (John 14:27). Thus we must focus all our thoughts, wishes and actions upon the attainment of the peace of God, and to always exclaim with the Church: O Lord our God, grant peace unto us (Isaiah 26:12).

On preserving inner peace

One must try hard to preserve this inner peace and not be offended by insults from others; to this end we shall restrain ourselves from anger and by means of attention shall guard our mind and heart from wavering unnecessarily.

Insults from others should be borne with complete indifference, and we should place ourselves in such a mood as though these insults have nothing to do with us whatsoever. Such an exercise can bring tranquility to our heart and make it the residence of God Himself.

We see an example of such meekness in the life of St. Gregory the Wonder-worker, from whom a certain fallen woman publicly demanded payment for the sin he had supposedly committed with her, while he, in no way angered at her, humbly said to a friend of his: quickly give her the price she asks. As soon as the woman took the unlawful payment, she became possessed by a demon; the saint then exorcized the demon from her by prayer.

If it is impossible not to be upset, then we must at least curb our tongue, as King David says: I was agitated and spoke not.

In this case we can use the examples of St. Spyridon of Tremithon and St. Ephraim the Syrian. The first bore an insult in the following manner: as he once entered the palace at the behest of his king, one of the servants, believing St. Gregory to be a beggar, laughed at him, did not allow him to enter the palace, and even slapped his cheek. St. Spyridon, being of a mild nature, turned the other cheek to him in accordance with the words of the Lord.

St. Ephraim, while fasting in the desert, was once deprived of food in the following manner: his disciple, while carrying the food to him, unexpectedly broke the vessel along the way. Seeing his disciple greatly saddened, the saint said to him: “Do not sorrow, brother; if the food did not wish to come to us, we shall go to it.” And then the venerable saint went, sat down near the broken vessel, and picking up the food, proceeded to eat it. In this manner he showed himself to be totally without anger.

As far as anger management is concerned, we can learn from the life of St. Paisius Velichkovsky, who prayed to the Lord Jesus Christ to free him from wrath. The Lord said to him: “If you want to overcome anger and fury, do not wish for anything, do not hate anyone, do not humiliate anyone.”

To preserve inner peace, we must chase away dejection and sustain a joyous spirit. To preserve inner peace, we must completely avoid judging others. Inner peace is preserved through compassion towards others and through silence. A person who remains in such a state receives divine revelations.

To avoid judging others, we must pay attention to ourselves, we must refuse to hear bad things about others, and we must be indifferent to all that surrounds us.

To preserve inner peace, we must draw into ourselves more frequently, and ask ourselves: at what point am I? At the same time we should make sure to have our physical senses, especially sight, serve our inner man and not distract our soul with sensual objects, for gifts of grace are given only to those who labor internally and guard their souls.

On spiritual labors

We should never undertake spiritual labors beyond our means, but should make sure that our friend, i.e. our body, is faithful and capable of doing good. We should follow the middle road, without veering either right or left; we should give spiritual things to our spirit and bodily things to our body, whatever is needed for sustaining our temporal life. We must also not refuse our social life that which it lawfully demands from us, according to the Scriptures: Render therefore unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s (Matt. 22:21).

We must be lenient towards our soul’s frailties and imperfections, and we must bear our failings just as we bear the failings of others; however, we should never fall into idleness, but should constantly spur ourselves to do better.

Whether you overindulged in food or did something else that stems from human frailty, – do not add harm to injury, but bravely spurring yourself to correction, try to preserve your inner peace.

Our bodies, becoming exhausted from work and illness, should be moderately fortified by sleep, food and drink, irrespective of time. Immediately upon resurrecting the daughter of Jairus, our Lord Jesus Christ commanded that she be given food.

We must credit the Lord with all our successes and say together with the prophet: Not to us, Lord, not to us, but to Thy name give glory (Psalm 113:9).

It is a great feat for man to keep himself chaste until the age of 35, i.e. the middle of his earthly life, and many are unable to remain virtuous during those years, but are deflected from the path of virtue into passion and desire; on the other hand, many others amassed numerous virtues in their youth, but being at mid-life and subjected to temptations from the evil spirits, are unable to withstand the torment and lose all their virtue. In order to avoid such transformations, we must place ourselves as though on a scale and watch ourselves attentively through-out our entire life.

Άγιος Σεραφείμ του Σαρώφ -ΑΚΗΔΙΑ ΚΑΙ ΛΙΠΟΨΥΧΙΑ

Διδαχές Οσίου Σεραφείμ του Σάρωφ 

Αχώριστος σύντροφος του πνεύματος της λύπης είναι η ακηδία. Όπως παρατηρούν οι πατέρες, η ακηδία προ­σβάλλει το μοναχό περίπου το καταμεσήμερο και του προκαλεί τέτοια ακαταστασία, ώστε τόσο ο τόπος όπου ζει όσο και οι αδελφοί πού ζουν μαζί του, του γίνονται ανυπόφοροι. Κατά τη διάρκεια της ανάγνωσης εγείρεται μέσα του ένα είδος αηδίας και μεγάλης πείνας και χα­σμουριέται πολύ συχνά. Μόλις ή κοιλιά του ικανοποιη­θεί, ο δαίμονας της ακηδίας προτείνει στο μοναχό την ιδέα να βγει από το κελί του και να μιλήσει σε κάποιον αδελφό, υποστηρίζοντας ότι ο μόνος τρόπος με τον οποίο μπορεί κανείς να σωθεί από την ακηδία είναι ή συνεχής συζή­τηση με τους άλλους. Ό μοναχός πού έχει κυριευθεί από την ακηδία είναι σαν ένα λεπτό ζιζάνιο πού δε σταματά ούτε λε­πτό, άλλα βρίσκεται πάντα στη διάθεση του άνεμου. Είναι σαν ένα μικρό σύννεφο πού καταδιώκεται από τον άνεμο.
Ό δαίμονας αυτός, αν δεν μπορέσει να παραπλανήσει το μοναχό να βγει από το κελί του, αρχίζει να αποσπά το νου του κατά τη διάρκεια της προσευχής και της ανά­γνωσης. Αρχίζει να του υποβάλει τις σκέψεις ότι αυτό δεν έπρεπε να είναι έτσι, εκείνο δεν ανήκει έδώ, θα πρέπει κανείς να βάλει τα πράγματα σε τάξη. Και ο δαί­μονας κάνει όλα αυτά για να καταστήσει το πνεύμα του μοναχού αργό και στείρο.
Ή ακηδία θεραπεύεται με την προσευχή, την αποχή από τον αργό λόγο, χειρωνακτική εργασία ανάλογα με τη δύναμη του άνθρωπου, ανάγνωση του λόγου του θεού και υπομονή. Γιατί γεννιέται από τη λιποψυχία, την αργία και τον αργό λόγο (άγιος Ισαάκ ο Σύρος).
Γι’ αυτόν πού αρχίζει τη μοναχική ζωή είναι δύσκολο να αποφύγει την ακηδία. Είναι το πρώτο πράγμα πού προσβάλλει το μοναχό. Γι’ αυτό πάνω απ’ όλα θα πρέπει να την καταπολεμήσει κανείς με αυστηρή και απόλυτη εφαρμογή όλων των διακονημάτων πού του έχουν ανατεθεί. Όταν όλες σου οι δραστηριότητες βρίσκονται σε πραγματική τάξη, τότε ή ακηδία δε θα βρει χώρο στην καρδιά σου. Μόνο εκείνοι πού δεν έχουν ρυθμίσει τις υποθέσεις τους και δεν τις έχουν βάλει σε σωστή τάξη δοκιμάζονται από την ακηδία. Ή υπακοή είναι ή καλύτε­ρη θεραπεία για τον επικίνδυνο αυτό πειρασμό.
Όταν σε κατακυριεύσει ή ακηδία, λέγε στον εαυτό σου, σύμφωνα με τις οδηγίες του αγίου Ισαάκ του Σύ­ρου: «Πάλι επιθυμείς μια ακάθαρτη και επονείδιστη ζωή. Και αν τύχει να σκεφτείς ότι είναι μεγάλη αμαρτία να αυ­τοκτονήσει κανείς (με ασκητικούς αγώνες), τότε απάν­τησε στον εαυτό σου: σκοτώνω τον εαυτό μου επειδή δεν μπορώ να ζω στην αμαρτία, θα πεθάνω έδώ, ώστε να μη δώ τον πραγματικό θάνατο, το θάνατο της ψυχής μου, το χωρισμό της από το θεό. Είναι καλύτερα για μένα να πεθάνω με αγνότητα παρά να ζήσω μια αμαρτω­λή ζωή στον κόσμο. Προτίμησα έναν τέτοιο θάνατο για τις αμαρτίες μου. Σκοτώνω τον εαυτό μου, γιατί έχω αμαρτήσει ενώπιον του θεού και δε θέλω να Τον παροργίσω άλλο. Τι αξίζει ή ζωή μου μακριά από το θεό; θα υποφέρω κάθε δοκιμασία, ώστε να μη στερηθώ την ελπίδα των ουρανών. Γιατί να φροντίσει ό θεός για μένα, αν ζω πονηρά και τον παροργίζω;»
Άλλο πράγμα είναι ή ακηδία και άλλο είναι ή ανησυχία τού πνεύματος πού καλείται λιποψυχία. Συμβαίνει μερικές φορές ό άνθρωπος να βρίσκεται σε τέτοια πνευματική κατάσταση, ώστε θα προτιμούσε να σκοτωθεί ή να μείνει αναίσθητος παρά να παραμείνει ακόμα σ' αυτή τη φοβε­ρά οδυνηρή κατάσταση. Πρέπει κανείς να φύγει από αυτή γρήγορα. Φύλαξε τον εαυτό σου από το πνεύμα της λιποψυχίας, γιατί από αυτή προέρχεται κάθε είδος δυστυχίας (άγιος Βαρσανούφιος ο Μέγας).
«Υπάρχει μια φυσική λιποψυχία, διδάσκει ο άγιος Βαρσανούφιος, πού προέρχεται από αδυναμία. Και υπάρχει λιποψυ­χία πού προκαλείται από το δαίμονα. Μπορούν να διακριθούν κατ' αυτό τον τρόπο: Ή διαβολική λιποψυχία έρχεται πριν την ώρα πού πρέπει να δώσει κανείς στον εαυτό του κάποια ανά­παυση. Ή όταν κάποιος προγραμματίζει να κάνει κάτι, πριν τε­λειώσει το ένα τρίτο ή το ένα τέταρτο από αυτό, ο δαίμονας τον πιέζει να το εγκαταλείψει. Σε μια τέτοια περίπτωση δεν πρέπει κανείς να τον ακούσει, άλλα να κάνει προσευχή και να συνεχίσει με υπομονή την εργασία του. Και ο εχθρός, βλέποντας ότι ό άνθρωπος προσεύχεται λόγω αυτής της λιποψυχίας, αποσύρεται, αφού δε θέλει να δώσει καμιά ευκαιρία στον άνθρωπο να προσευχηθεί».
Ό άγιος Ισαάκ ο Σύρος λέει ότι, όταν ο θεός θέλει να ρίξει τον άνθρωπο σε μεγαλύτερες δοκιμασίες, του επι­τρέπει να πέσει στα χέρια της ακηδίας. Ή ακηδία του φέρνει μια μεγάλη απελπισία στην όποια δοκιμάζει τέ­τοια ψυχική στενοχώρια, πού είναι σαν να προγεύεται την κόλαση. Σαν συνέπεια αυτού εγείρεται μέσα του το πνεύμα της έξαψης και απ' αυτό πηγάζουν χιλιάδες πει­ρασμοί: ανησυχία, οργή, βλασφημία, παράπονα για την τύχη του, διεφθαρμένες σκέψεις, μετακίνηση από μια τοποθεσία σε άλλη και τα όμοια.
"Αν ρωτήσεις από τι προέρχεται αυτό, τότε θα σού απαντήσω: από την αμέλεια σου. Γιατί δεν έλαβες την πρόνοια να αναζητήσεις μια θεραπεία γι' αυτά. Γιατί για όλα αυτά υπάρχει μόνο μια θεραπεία και με τη βοήθεια αυτής ο άνθρωπος βρίσκει εύκολα παρηγοριά στη ψυχή του. Και τι είδους θεραπεία είναι αυτή; Ή ταπείνωση της καρδιάς. Δεν υπάρχει άλλος τρόπος, έκτος απ' αυτόν, για να μπορέσει ο άνθρωπος να καταρρίψει τους τοί­χους αυτών των κακιών. Διαφορετικά, θα διαπιστώσει ότι οι κακίες αυτές θα τον κατανικήσουν. Ή ακηδία μερικές φορές καλείται από τους άγιους πατέρες αργία, οκνηρία ή νωθρότητα.
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Φιλοκαλία των ρώσων νηπτικών Α. διδαχές Οσίου Σεραφείμ του Σάρωφ, ΠΕΤΡΟΥ ΜΠΟΤΣΗ

St. Seraphim of Sarov -On Grace and Works

The true goal of our Christian life consists of acquiring God’s Holy Spirit. Fasting and vigil, prayer, mercy, and every other good deed performed for Christ — are means for acquiring the Holy Spirit of God. Only deeds performed for Christ give us the fruits of the Holy Spirit.
 

Some say that the foolish virgins lacking enough oil in their lamps is meant to be understood as a lack of good deeds (see Mt. 25:1-12). Such an understanding is not completely correct. How could there have been a lack of good deeds when they, though foolish, are still called virgins? For virginity is the highest virtue, as a state equal to the angels, and could by itself serve in place of all other virtues. I, the wretched, think that they did not have enough of the grace of the All-Holy Spirit of God. These virgins, because of their spiritual injudiciousness, supposed in performing good deeds that it is only necessary to do good works to be a Christian: “We performed a good deed and thus did God’s will.” Whether or not they had received the grace of the Holy Spirit, whether they had attained it, they did not even bother to find out … But, this acquiring of the Holy Spirit is in fact that oil which the foolish virgins lacked. They are called foolish because they forgot about the essential fruit of virtue — the grace of the Holy Spirit — without which there is no salvation for anyone and cannot be.

For “through the Holy Spirit every soul is quickened, and through its purification, it is exalted and illumined by the Triune Unity in a Holy mystery.” The Holy Spirit Himself settles in our souls, and this occupation of our souls by Him, the All-Ruling, and this coexistence of our spirit with His One Trinity, is granted only through the diligent acquiring, on our part, of the Holy Spirit, which prepares, in our soul and body, the throne for the coexistence of God the All-Creator with our spirit, by the immutable word of God: “And I will walk among you and will be your God, and ye shall be my people” (Lev. 26:12).

This is the very oil in the lamps of the wise virgins, which burned brightly and steadily; the virgins with these burning lamps could await the Groom coming at midnight, and enter the chamber of joy with him. The foolish ones, seeing their lamps going out, though they went to the market to buy oil, did not manage to return in time, for the doors were already locked. The market is our life; the doors of the bridal chamber — locked and not permitting entrance to the Groom — human death, the virgins wise and foolish, Christian souls; the oil, not deeds, but the grace of the All Holy Spirit of God received through them, transforming from decay to incorruption, from emotional death into spiritual life, from darkness to light, from the manger of our existence, where our passions are tied like beasts and animals, into a church of God, into the all-lighted chamber of eternal joy in Jesus Christ.”

 St. Seraphim of Sarov

N.A. Motovilov’s Unfortunate Illness

Nikolas Alexandrovitch Motovilov, “Seraphim’s servant” as he liked to call himself, had been granted a miraculous healing and the further privilege of seeing with his own eyes St. Seraphim’s illumination by the light of Tabor or, in other words, by the grace of the Holy Spirit. Being a fervent and sincere man, he wanted to perpetuate Father Seraphim’s memory. So he decided to visit Kursk (the saint’s birth-place) personally in order to collect information about his childhood and youth; he also wanted to visit the Kiev-Florovsky Monastery. The journey had very sad consequences for Nikolas Alexandrovitch. Through the permissive will of God, the enemy inflicted upon him an illness in revenge for his literary labours; for his writings served to enhance the fame of one of God’s Saints — Father Seraphim — to a very considerable extent.

Certain circumstances which preceded N.A. Motovilov’s illness throw light on its origin. Once during a talk with St. Seraphim the question somehow arose as to the reality of diabolic assaults on men. Motovilov who had had a worldly upbringing did not fail, of course, to doubt the existence of the evil power. Then the saint told him of his terrible fight with the devils for one thousand days and nights, and by the power of his word, by the authority of his holiness which excluded all possibility of even the shadow of a lie or exaggeration, he convinced Motovilov of the existence of devils, not as phantoms or figments of the imagination, but as a stark and bitter reality. The impetuous Motovilov was so stirred by the elder’s talk that he cried from the depths of his soul:

“Father, how I should like to have a bout with the devils!”

Father Seraphim, in alarm, cut him short:

“What on earth are you talking about, your Godliness! You don’t know what you are saying. If you knew that the least of them can turn the world upside down with it’s claw, you would never challenge them to a fight.”

“But Father, have the devils really got claws?”

“Ah, your Godliness, whatever do they teach you at the university? Don’t you know that the devils have no claws? They have been represented with hoofs, horns and tails becuase it is impossible for the human imagination to conceive of anything more hideous. And they really are hideous, for their conscious desertion of God and their voluntary resistance to divine grace made them, who before the Fall, were angels of light, angels of such darkness and abomination that they cannot be portrayed in any human likeness. Still some likeness is necessary; that is why they are represented as black and ugly. But having been created with the powers and properties of angels, they possess such indomitable might against man and everything earthly that, as I told you already, the least of them can turn the world upside down with its nail. Only the divine grace of the Holy Spirit which has been given to us Orthodox Christians as a free gift through the merits of the God-Man, our Lord Jesus Christ –  only this frustrates all the wiles and artifices of the enemy.”

An uncanny feeling crept over Motovilov. While he was still under the saint’s protection he could defy Satan’s malice. But, by the permissive will of God, his reckless challenge did not remain unanswered. It was accepted.

When Motovilov went to Kursk afer Father Seraphim’s death, he did not get much information about the childhood and youth of the saint. Of the near relatives who had known Father Seraphim as a child, some were dead, while others had forgotten the facts. Even the house where the saint was born and brought up was destroyed, and new buildings had sprung up in its place. However, one old man was found who was a contemporary of Father Seraphim, and who supplied Motovilov with the facts which have been included in all the editions of the saint’s life. The actual journey to Kursk and his stay there were without mishap. The storm broke out on his way back to Voronezh.

Motovilov was obliged to spend a night at one of the post-stations on the road from Kursk. As he was quite alone in the room for travelers, he took his manuscripts out of his suitcase and began to sort them out by the dim light of a single candle which scarcely lit up the spacious room. One of the first records he discovered contained a description of the cure of possessed lady of noble parentage called Eropkin at the Shrine of St. Metrophan of Voronezh.

“I wondered,” writes Motovilov, “how it could happen that an Orthodox Christian who partook of the most pure and life-giving Mysteries of the Lord could suddenly be possessed by a devil, and morever, for such a long period as over thirty years. And I thought Nonsense! It is impossible! I should like to see how the devil would dare to make his abode in me, especially  when I frequently have recourse to the Sacrament of Holy Communion.”

At that very moment he was surrounded by a horrible, cold, evil-smelling cloud which began to makes its way into his mouth, while he made convulsive efforts to keep it tightly shut.

The unhappy Motovilov struggled desperately, trying to protect himself from the stench and icy cold cloud of the cloud which was gradually creeping into him. In spite of all his efforts it got into him completely.

His hands became exactly as if they were paralyzed, and he could not make the Sign of the Cross; his mind became frozen with terror and he could not remember the saving name of Jesus. Something terrible and repulsive had happened, and Nikolas Alexandrovitch experienced a time of dreadful torture. A manuscript in his own handwriting gives us the following description of the torments he experienced:

“The Lord granted me to experience in my own body, and not in a dream or apparition, the three torments of hell. The first was that of the fire which gives no light and which can be extinguished only by the grace of the Most Holy Spirit. This agony lasted for three days. I felt myself burning, yet I was not consumed. Ten or eleven times a day they had to scrape off the hellish soot which covered my whole body and was visible to all. This torture ceased only after Confession and Holy Communion, through the prayers of Archbishop Anthony of Voronezh who ordered litanies to be said for the suffering servant of God Nikolas in the forty-seven churches and monasteries of his diocese.

Then I was tormented for two days by the unbearable cold of Tartarus, so that fire could neither burn nor warm me. According to the wish of His Grace, Archbishop Anthony of Voronezh, I held my hand over a candle for about half an hour, and though it was thickly coated with soot, it did not get warm in the least. I described this experiment on a whole sheet of paper and signed it by stamping it with my sooty hand. Both these torments were visible to all; yet with the help of Holy Communion I could partake of food, drink and sleep to some extent.

But the third torment of Gehenna, though it was still shorter by half a day, for it lasted only a day and a half (possibly a little more), caused me the greatest terror and suffering as it was something indescribable and incomprehensible. It is a wonder that I remained alive! This torment also disappeared after Confession and Holy Communion. This time Archbishop Anthony himself administered the Holy Sacrament to me with his own hands. This torment was the undying worm of Gehenna. The worm in this case was visible only to Archbishop Anthony and myself. But my whole body was riddled with this pernicious worm which crawled through the whole of me and in an indescribably frightful manner gnawed at my vitals. Though it crawled out through my nose, mouth and ears, yet it went back in again. However, God gave me some power of it, and  I could take it into my hands and stretch it like rubber.

I feel myself compelled to make this declaration, for God did not grant me this vision for nothing. Let no one think that I dare take the Lord’s name in vain. No! On the day of the Lord’s awful judgment, He Himself — my God, my Helper and my Protector — will testify that I did not lie against Him, my Lord, and against the operation of His Divine Providence which was accomplished in me.”

Soon after this terrible test which is beyond the experience of ordinary men, Motovilov had a vision of his patron St. Seraphim who had comforted the sufferer with the promise that he would be cured at the exposition of the relics of St. Tikhon of Zadonsk and that until that time the devil residing in him would not torment him so cruelly.

The expostiton of the relics of St. Tikhon actually took place thirty years later, and Motovilov lived to see it and was in fact cured according to his great faith.

On the day of the exposition of the relics of St. Tikhon of Zadonsk (1865), Motovilov was standing in the sanctuary praying and weeping bitterly because the Lord had not granted him a cure for which his tortured soul was waiting according to the promise of St. Seraphim of Sarov. During the Song of the Cherubim, he glanced at the bishop’s throne in the apse and saw St. Tikhon there. The holy prelate blessed the weeping Motovilov and vanished from sight. Motovilov was healed instantly. (St. Seraphim of Sarov: A Spiritual Biography by Archimandrite Lazarus Moore. Chapter IX: Are the Torments of Hell a Reality? pp. 209-215)

Difference Between Grace and Delusion: Grace is Light

Saint Seraphim of Sarov. "On Acquisition of the Holy Spirit".

"And I must further explain, your Godliness, the difference between the operations of the Holy Spirit Who dwells mystically in the hearts of those who believe in our Lord God and Savior Jesus Christ and the operations of the darkness of sin which at the suggestion and instigation of the devil, acts predatorily in us. The Spirit of God reminds us of the words of our Lord Jesus Christ and always acts triumphantly with Him, gladdening our hearts and guiding our steps into the way of peace, while the false, diabolical spirit reasons in the opposite way to Christ, and its actions in us are rebellious, stubborn, and full of the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life.

"And whoever lives and believes in Me will never die" (John 11:26). He who has the grace of the Holy Spirit in reward for right faith in Christ, even if on account of human frailty his soul were to die for some sin or other, yet he will not die for ever, but he will be raised by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ "Who takes away the sin of the world" (John 1:29), and freely gives grace upon grace. Of this grace, which was manifested to the whole world and to our human race by the God-man, it is said in the Gospel: "In Him was life, and the life was the light of men" (John 1:4); and further: "And the light shines in the darkness; and the darkness has never swallowed it" (John 1:5). This means that the grace of the Holy Spirit which is granted at baptism in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, in spite of man's fall into sin, in spite of the darkness surrounding our soul, nevertheless shines in our hearts with the divine light (which has existed from time immemorial) of the inestimable merits of Christ. In the event of a sinner's impenitence this light of Christ cries to the Father: "Abba, Father! Be not angry with this impenitence to the end (of his life)." Then, at the sinners conversion to the way of repentance, it effaces completely all trace of past sin and clothes the former sinner once more in a robe of incorruption spun from the grace of the Holy Spirit. The acquisition of this is the aim of the Christian life, which I have been explaining to your Godliness.

"I will tell you something else, so that you may understand more clearly what is meant by the grace of God, how to recognize it and how its action is manifested particularly in those who are enlightened by it. The grace of the Holy Spirit is the light which enlightens man. The whole of Sacred Scripture speaks about this. Thus our Holy Father David said: "Thy law is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my paths" (Ps. 118[119]:105), and "Unless Thy law had been my meditation, I should have died in my humiliation" (Ps. 118[119]:92). In other words, the grace of the Holy Spirit which is expressed in the Law, by the words of the Lord's commandments, is my lamp and light. If this grace of the Holy Spirit (which I try to acquire so carefully and zealously that I meditate on Thy just judgments seven times a day) did not enlighten me amidst the darkness of the cares which are inseparable from the high calling of my royal rank, whence should I get a spark of light to illumine my way on the path of life, which is darkened by the ill-will of my enemies?

"In fact the Lord has frequently demonstrated before many witnesses how the grace of the Holy Spirit acts on people whom He has sanctified and illumined by His great inspirations. Remember Moses after his talk with God on Mount Sinai. He so shone with an extraordinary light that people were unable to look at him. He was even forced to wear a veil when he appeared in public. Remember the Transfiguration of the Lord on Mount Tabor. A great light encircled Him, "and His raiment became shining, exceedingly white like snow" (Mk. 9:3), and His disciples fell on their faces from fear. But when Moses and Elijah appeared to Him in that light, a cloud overshadowed them in order to hide the radiance of the light of the divine grace which blinded the eyes of the disciples. Thus the grace of the All-Holy Spirit of God appears in an ineffable light to all to whom God reveals its action."

Ο Άγιος Σεραφείμ του Σαρώφ περί Αγίου Πνεύματος

- Πάτερ μου, είπε ο Μοτοβίλωφ, μιλάτε πάντα για την απόκτηση της Χάριτος του Αγίου Πνεύματος σαν το σκοπό της χριστιανικής ζωής. Πως όμως μπορώ να την αναγνωρίσω; Οι καλές πράξεις είναι ορατές. Πως όμως μπορεί να γίνη ορατό το Άγιο Πνεύμα; Πως μπορώ να ξέρω, αν Αυτό είναι μαζί μου ή όχι; 

  - Στην εποχή που ζούμε, απάντησε ο στάρετς, φθάσαμε σε τέτοια χλιαρότητα στην πίστη και σε τέτοια έλλειψη ευαισθησίας ως προς την κοινωνίαν μας με τον Θεό, που έχουμε απομακρυνθή ολοκληρωτικά από την αληθινή χριστιανική ζωή. Διάφορα χωρία της Αγίας Γραφής μας φαίνονται σήμερα παράξενα. Παραδείγματος χάριν, διαβάζουμε ότι ο Απόστολος Παύλος εμποδίσθηκε από το Άγιο Πνεύμα να κηρύξη τον λόγο στην Ασίαν, άλλα, ότι το Πνεύμα τον συνώδευσε όταν πήγε στη Μακεδονία. Σε αρκετά χωρία της Άγιας Γραφής αναφέρονται εμφανίσεις του Θεού στον άνθρωπο. Σήμερα μερικοί λένε: «Είναι δυνατόν να δεχθούμε ότι άνθρωποι μπορούν να δουν τον Θεό μ' ένα τόσο συγκεκριμένο τρόπο; Υπό το πρόσχημα της μορφώσεως, της επιστήμης, μπλεχτήκαμε σε ένα τέτοιο σκοτάδι αγνωσίας, που βρίσκομε αδιανόητα όλα αυτά για τα οποία οι παλαιοί είχαν μια γνώση αρκετά σαφή, ώστε να μπορούν να μιλούν αναμεταξύ τους για τις εκδηλώσεις του Θεού προς τους ανθρώπους σαν για πράγματα πασίγνωστα και καθόλου παράξενα.

«Ο Αβραάμ, ο Ιακώβ, ο Μωϋσής είδαν τον Θεό. Η στήλη της πύρινης νεφέλης --το Άγιο Πνεύμα- χρησίμευε για οδηγός στον Εβραϊκό λαό μέσα στην έρημο. Οι άνθρωποι έβλεπαν τον Θεό και το Πνεύμα του όχι σε όνειρο ή σε έκσταση - που είναι καρποί μιας αρρωστημένης φαντασίας - αλλά στην πραγματικότητα. Έτσι απρόσεκτοι που γίναμε, αντιλαμβανόμαστε τα λόγια της Γραφής αλλοιώτικα απ' ό,τι θάπρεπε . Και όλα αυτά, γιατί, αντί να αναζητούμε τη χάρη, την εμποδίζουμε από διανοητική υπεροψία να έλθη να κατοίκηση στις ψυχές μας».