Let
us take a care for ourselves, O brethren, let us be
heedful. Who will give us this time back if we lose it
in vain? In truth we will seek these days and not find
them. Abba Arsenius always used to say to himself,
"Arsenius, why did you leave the world?" And
we find ourselves in such ruinous sloth that we are not
even conscious of what we then desired, and therefore
we not only make no progress, but we constantly grieve.
This occurs in us because we do not have heedfulness in
our heart. And truly, if we only wanted to labor a
little, we would grieve little and not suffer
difficulties. For if we would force ourselves from the
start, then with continual labor we would advance
little by little and perfect the virtues with ease;
because seeing that we are forcing ourselves, God gives
us help. And so let us force ourselves, let us make a
good beginning, let us fervently desire the good; for
although we have not yet attained perfection, this very
desire is already the beginning of our
salvation—from this desire we begin with God's
help to labor also, and through labor we receive help
in acquiring virtues. Therefore one of the fathers has
said, "Give blood and receive spirit." That
is, struggle, and you will receive the habit of virtue.
When I was studying secular sciences, at first they seemed
to me extremely difficult, and when I would come to take
up a book, I would be in the same state as a man about to
touch a wild beast. But when I continued to force myself,
God helped me, and diligence became in me such a habit
that from zeal for reading I would not notice what I ate
or what I drank or how I slept. And I never allowed myself
to be enticed to dinner by any of my friends, nor did I
even enter into conversation with them while I was
reading, although I was sociable and loved my comrades.
When the philosopher would dismiss us, I would wash myself
with water, for I became dry from the immoderate reading
and had need to refresh myself with water every day.
Coming home, I did not know what I would eat, for I had no
time to even prepare my own food, but I had a loyal man
who cooked what he wanted for me. I ate what I found
prepared, having a book beside me on the couch, and often
I would become absorbed in it. Likewise at the time of
sleeping it would be beside me on my table, and having
fallen asleep for a little, I would suddenly jump up in
order to continue reading. Again in the evening, when I
would return home, after Vespers, I would light a lamp and
continue reading till midnight, and in general I was in
such a state from reading that I knew not at all the
sweetness of repose.
When I entered the monastery I therefore said to myself,
"If while studying superficial philosophy the
practice of reading had generated within me such desire
and zeal, and it had developed into a habit for me, then I
should be even more zealous in the study of virtue."
I drew much strength and zeal from this example. And so if
one wishes to acquire virtue, he should not be careless
and distracted. For just as one who studies carpentry does
not take up some other craft, so also those who wish to
study spiritual work should be concerned with nothing
else, but should study its acquisition day and night.
Otherwise those who undertake this work not only will make
no progress, but they will distress themselves,
senselessly troubling themselves. For he who is not
attentive to himself and does not labor is easily drawn
away from virtue, because virtue is the mean, the royal
path of which one elder (Abba Benjamin) spoke: "Go by
the royal path and count the miles." And so virtue,
as I have said, is a medium between excess and lack.
Therefore it is also said in the scripture, Ye shall
not turn aside to the right hand or to the left, but go by
the royal path (Deut. 5:32). And St. Basil says,
"He is upright of heart whose thought is inclined
neither to excess nor to lack, but is directed only toward
the mean of virtue."
Evil is nothing in and of itself, for it is not some sort
of entity, nor has it any content. But the soul that
declines virtue becomes passionate and gives birth to sin,
and therefore languishes in sin, not finding in it any
natural repose. And does a tree have worms in it by
nature? No, but when it begins to rot, this rottenness
engenders worms, and these same worms devour the tree. So
does metal also produce rust, whereupon it itself is eaten
away by rust. And clothes themselves produce the moth,
which then eats and ruins the clothing. It is this way
with the soul—it engenders evil, which previously
had no existence, nor any content, as I have said, and the
soul itself is in turn tortured by the evil. As St.
Gregory has well said, "Fire is generated by matter
and it consumes matter as evil consumes those who are
evil." We see the same activity in diseases of the
body: when someone lives a disorderly life and does not
take care of his health, there occurs an excess or
deficiency of something in the body which makes a man
sick; whereas this disease did not previously exist at
all, it was never something self-perpetuating, and after
the body is healed the disease again no longer exists. In
precisely the same way, evil is also the infirmity of a
soul deprived of its characteristic, natural health, which
is virtue.
And this is why we have said that virtue is a mean: thus
courage is to be found between fear and impudence;
humility of wisdom is between pride and man-pleasing;
reverence is between shame and shamelessness; and so on
with the other virtues. So when a man has become worthy to
acquire these virtues, he is well-pleasing before God, and
although everyone sees that he eats, drinks and sleeps
just like other men, still he is pleasing to God for the
virtues he possesses. But he who is not attentive to
himself and does not guard himself is easily turned away
from this path either to the right or to the left, that
is, to either excess or deficiency, and he engenders that
infirmity which is evil. So we have discussed the royal
path by which all the saints have travelled.
The miles are the various attitudes which every individual
must always count and continually note: where is he, what
milestone has he reached, what is his current frame of
mind? We are like people who, having set out for the Holy
City of Jerusalem, and having left their own cities, might
go five miles and stop, while others go ten miles, some
make half the journey, and others have not even travelled
the path at all, but having left their own city, sit
outside the gates amidst its stinking waste dumps. Some of
those who are on the way might go two miles and those
their way, then return, or, having travelled two miles
forward they then go five backward. Others come to the
city itself but stop just outside of it, without entering
the city itself. The same thing happens with us—for
some of us have left the world and entered the monastery
with the intention of acquiring virtue, and some have done
a little and then stopped; others have done more, and
still others have done half of the work and then stopped;
some have not done anything at all, but thinking that they
have left the world they remain in their worldly passions
and their foul odor. Others have done a little good but
then destroy it; and some even devastate more than what
they have accomplished. Others, while they have performed
virtues still have pride and belittle their neighbor, and
therefore they have not entered into the city but remain
outside of it. These as a result have also failed to
achieved their goal, for although they have arrived at the
very gates of the city, they remain outside of it, and
thus have not fulfilled their intention. And so each of us
should consider where he is—has he left his own city
but stopped outside the gates in its stinking waste dumps,
has he gone a little way, or a great distance; has he
reached the middle of his journey; or is he going two
miles forward and then two back; has he come to the city
and entered into Jerusalem; or, although he has reached
the city he was not able to enter it. Let everyone examine
his own state to see where he is.
There are three attitudes of soul in a man: Either he acts
according to passion, he opposes passion, or he uproots
it. He acts according to passion who fulfills it and
satisfies it. He opposes passion who does not act
according to it, neither does he not cut it off, but
struggles so that the passion might pass; nonetheless he
still has it within himself. And he uproots passion who
labors and does what is opposed to the passion. But these
three attitudes have a very broad application. For
example, name whatever passion you wish, and we will
examine it. Do you wish us to speak of pride? Do you wish
us to speak of fornication, or would you rather that we
spoke of vainglory? For we are quite conquered by
vainglory. Because of vainglory a man cannot bear to hear
a word from his brother. When one person hears a single
word, he becomes upset or answers five or ten words to his
brother's one, and becomes hostile and bitter. When the
quarrel is ended he continues to have thoughts against the
one who said it to him, he remembers the insult and
regrets that he did not say more than he did in reply. He
conjures to himself ever stronger words to tell him later.
He repeats to himself, "Why didn't I say this or that
to him, why did he say that to me, and I will tell him
such and such," and he continues to be angry. This is
one attitude. This means that evil has been converted into
habit. May God deliver us from such an attitude for it
unfailingly leads to torments—for every sin which is
fulfilled in deed leads to hell, and although such a man
might desire to repent, he alone cannot conquer passions
unless he receives help from some saints as the fathers
have also said. This is why I constantly say to you:
Strive to cut off the passions before they become a habit
in you. One person hears an offensive word, and although
he is disturbed and returns five or ten words to the one,
regretful that he did not say three other stronger ones,
grieves and remembers the wrong—nevertheless he has
a change of heart after a few days. Another spends a week
in a like state and then changes; and still another
changes within a day. One person is offended, quarrels,
becomes disturbed and disturbs others, but is then
immediately converted. So you see how many different
attitudes there are! However, all these people are subject
to hell as long as they fulfill their passions.
Let us speak now of those who oppose the passions. One
person when he hears a word is saddened, not because he
has been offended, but because he did not bear this
offense: this person is in the state of those who are
laboring and opposing the passions. Another person is
laboring and struggling in asceticism, but at last he is
conquered by the compulsion of passion. Yet another wishes
to reply in an offensive way, but avoids this because of
habit. Another one strives not to say anything at all
offensive, but he grieves at being reproached; however he
condemns himself and repents that he grieves. Yet another
is not embittered by the offense, but he also does not
rejoice over it. These are the kinds of people who oppose
the passions. However, two of them are to be distinguished
from the rest—those who are conquered amidst the
struggle and those who are attracted to a passion by habit
and are thereby threatened with falling into the same
danger as those who act according to passions. I have
included them among those who are opposing the passions,
for by their good intention they have stopped the passion
and do not wish to act according to it, but they are also
saddened and continue to struggle. The Fathers have said,
that anything that goes against the soul's own desire
cannot not last long. But these people must test
themselves in order to see whether they do not perform, if
not the passion itself, then something which arouses
passion, which is why they are conquered or attracted by
it. There are also those who strive to stop the passion,
but only by instilling another passion: one person is
silent because of vainglory, another because of
man-pleasing, or from some other kind of passion. Such
people want to heal evil by means of evil. But Abba Poemen
said that evil can in no way uproot evil. These people are
among those who act according to passion, although they
succeed in deceiving even themselves.
Finally we would like to speak of those who are uprooting
passion. One rejoices when he is offended, but this is
because he has in view the reward. He belongs to those who
are uprooting passion, but not with understanding. Another
rejoices when he receives offense—he considers that
he should have endured this offense because he himself
gave occasion for this: he is uprooting passion with
understanding. To receive offence, to lay the blame upon
oneself and consider everything which comes against us as
our own is a work of understanding, because everyone who
prays to God, "Lord, grant me humility," should
know that he is entreating God to send him someone to
offend him. Therefore, when someone offends him he himself
should reproach himself and belittle himself mentally, so
that at that time when another is humbling him from
outside, he himself has humbled himself from within. Yet
another not only rejoices when he is offended and
considers himself to be guilty, but he also is sorry for
the disturbance of the one who offends him. May God lead
us to such an attitude.
Do you see how broad are these three attitudes? And so let
each of us examine, as I have said, which state he is in.
Does he willingly act according to passion and satisfy it?
Or, not desiring to act according to it, is he conquered
by it? Or is he drawn into acting according to his passion
by habit, and having committed the act, does he grieve and
repent that he acted in this way? Or does he labor with
understanding to cut off the passion? Or does he labor
against one passion for the sake of another, as in the
case we have mentioned of someone who is silent out of
vainglory, or man-pleasing, or in general out of some
human considerations? Or has he begun to uproot passion,
and is he uprooting it with understanding and doing what
is contrary to the passion? Let everyone find out where he
is, at which stage. For we should test ourselves not only
every day, but also every year and every month and every
week and say, "Last week this passion troubled me
very much, but now what sort am I?" Likewise every
year one should ask himself: "Last year I was so
conquered by this passion, and now what sort am I?"
Thus we should always test ourselves to see whether we
have succeeded some little bit, or whether we are in the
same state as we were before, or whether we have fallen to
something worse. May God grant us strength, so that even
if we have not succeeded in uprooting passions, then at
least we have not acted according to them and have
contested against them. For in truth it is a serious
matter to act according to passion and not offer some
opposition to it. I will draw a comparison for you of one
who acts according to passion and satisfies it. He is like
a man whose enemy is shooting arrows at him, and he takes
those arrows and pierces his own heart with them. A man
who fights against passion is like one who is showered
with arrows by his enemy but, but is not wounded because
he is clothed with armor. But he who is uprooting passion
is like one who, being showered with arrows by his enemy,
breaks them or returns them to the hearts of his enemies
as is said in the psalms: Let their sword enter into
their own hearts, and let their bows be broken (Ps.
36:15).
And so let us also strive, O brethren, even if we cannot
return their own weapons into their own hearts, then let
us at least not receive the arrows and not pierce our own
hearts with them; but let us be clothed in armor so as not
to be wounded by them. May the good God protect us from
them, may He grant us heedfulness and instruct us on His
path, for to Him belongs glory, honor and worship unto the
ages. Amen.
Abba Dorotheos
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