The first and foremost reason why our
intention to correct ourselves and lead a holy life remains without result lies
in the fact that our intention is often too vague and indefinite.
A certain sinner, for example, says to
himself: “It’s high time for me to stop sinning, time to mend my ways! I repent!
I’ll stop sinning!” The intention is quite indefinite. And because of this,
although it might be sincere, it is unreliable and may not achieve the desired
correction.
He who has a sincere desire to amend
himself must first of all determine exactly what it is that must be corrected.
He must determine what his greatest sin is and what means he must use against
it, and what dangers he must avoid so as not to fall into it again, since it has
become a habit, a part of his life. All this thought and self-examination must
come first and only then should a resolve be made, and that resolve should be
specific as, for example: “Enough is enough! With God’s help I am no longer
going to fall into such-and-such a sin; I’m going to break this bad habit; I’m
no longer going to associate with those particular people who encourage me in
this habit; I’m going to break off that unhealthy relationship; I’m going to use
such-and-such means against this sin; I’m going to arm myself and muster all my
forces against it when it begins again to tempt me.”
The same thing must also be said about
the resolution to lead a righteous life. By no means is it enough to content
oneself simply by stating the following resolve: “From this time forth I’m going
to lead a God-pleasing life.” Such a resolution is not definite enough, and
although it may have come from the heart, it is doubtful whether it will have
any effect.
He who desires to abandon a life of sin
and live a righteous life must first of all examine which obligations he has
most difficulty in fulfilling and does not like to fulfill; what exactly hinders
their fulfillment; what he must do, what means he must employ to fulfill them
more readily. Having done this, he must make a specific resolve, as for example:
“Now, with God’s help I will try hard to fulfill this obligation which until now
I have done so poorly; I will apply myself to using such-and-such means towards
its fulfillment. For example, when someone offends me I will be more patient; I
won’t start using insulting and shameful language, or better yet, I won’t answer
back at all; in such-and such company I’ll be more careful in what I say; at
such-and-such times I’ll try to pray fervently, something I have not done up to
now.., and so on.”
In general, the more definite one’s
intention to change one’s sinful life and live righteously, the more it will
suit the particular circumstances, the state of one’s soul, one’s relationship
with others, etc., and the more hope there is of its bringing it into reality.
When something is so definite one can more easily direct one’s thoughts and
one’s strength to one subject and thus, of course, more easily achieve the
desired goal.
Another reason why our good intentions
fail, is because we do not hold firmly enough to our resolve. Scarcely two or
three days pass by after our having made our resolution and we, in our normal
daily routine of life amidst our worldly cares and pursuits, have already
forgotten our intention, although at the time it was made with proper firmness
of purpose. For this reason, if we truly wish our good intention to be realized,
then each of us, every morning after our morning prayers, must immediately bring
to mind and renew our resolution, saying in our hearts: “I promised God to turn
away from this particular sin; I really wanted to fulfill this obligation; I
must keep my promise!” Having renewed in this way our good intention, we must
diligently pray to God that He would grant us the necessary strength to carry it
out.
Likewise, our intention must be renewed
in this way throughout the course of the day. And when evening comes, we should
never go to sleep without having first examined our hearts to see how we have
spent the day: did we keep our promise to God? And if it happens that we went
against our resolve, against our promise, then we must immediately ask God’s
forgiveness, and once again renew our resolve and carefully watch over
ourselves. This is the way in which those people act who are concerned for the
salvation of their souls, and in this way they attain salvation!
The third reason we fail in our
intention to lead a better life, is our excessive fear of the difficulties
connected with such an undertaking. A holy life is not attained without work,
without sufferings and difficulties; it often takes a prolonged and fierce
battle. We must withdraw from occasions to sin, of which there are so many. We
must sacrifice various enjoyments which are so pleasant, abandon many worldly
pursuits which make life interesting, and endure many unpleasant things which
because of our self-love are often so difficult to bear.
For example, let us suppose that we
resolved to withdraw from our natural inclination to become angry. In order to
turn away from anger we must quietly endure a lot of what is to us almost
unbearable, and to which our usual response would have been a stream of crude
words; sometimes we must not justify ourselves even when we are in the right;
often we must be silent when we feel the urge to speak; often we must give in to
others even when the occasion does not demand it; we must often bear the
offenses of others and not reveal our irritation; often force ourselves to
patiently endure when we are slandered or laughed at like fools and cowards. All
this we must endure if we truly desire to realize our intention to withdraw from
anger.
Amidst all the difficulties of keeping
oneself from anger or any other sin which manifests itself as particularly
great, our soul often falls into despondency and all our strength seems to
evaporate. In such cases we must immediately bring to mind various sacred truths
and experiences which are able to restore our former spirit, our former
strength, and give us hope of abandoning the sin from which we decided to turn
away. Thus we must remember that no matter how weak a man is, with God’s help he
can do and endure all things if only he truly desires and uses it; this is
accomplished through the strength that is granted by God.
We must remember the millions of
righteous ones, who have gone before us and their self-denial, patience and
endurance which they left as an example for us and for the whole world. We must
remember that, above all, God desires our correction, and because of this,
knowing our weakness and our needs, He will unfailingly come to our aid if only
we turn to Him with fervent prayer and make use of the means and the power which
He has given to us.
We must remember that the difficulties
which invariably accompany any important undertaking are intimidating only to
the lazy and faint-hearted; that only the first steps along the path of
correction are unpleasant and difficult; that the farther one goes along such a
path the easier and less painful it becomes; that any victory which we gain over
our enemy makes us much stronger and better able to endure any further
onslaughts. We must more often remind ourselves of the feeling of peace and
satisfaction we shall experience when in the last days and hours of our life we
look back at our past, at the difficulties we have heroically overcome, at the
many sufferings borne with Christian patience, at the countless temptations
conquered by our love for God, at all the noble deeds which we performed in
secret before God’s eyes alone, at all the favors which we showed our fellow
man, at the faithfulness with which we fulfilled our obligations, often forcing
ourselves to the utmost to do this.
Finally, we must more often remind
ourselves that for all this we will be rewarded by so much in the life of the
age to come that all the difficulties which we overcome here in this life, all
the sufferings which we endure in this age for the sake of a righteous life,
will appear to us much smaller; in fact, they will appear insignificant, in
comparison with the heavenly rewards.
O, Almighty God! Now we count each
minute of trial and suffering and we rarely consider the blessed eternity which
delights the souls of Thy righteous and faithful servants. Brother! In your
striving towards a God-pleasing life, when you weigh your earthly difficulties
and grief, place more often on the scale this eternity! It will outweigh all
your trials, all the pleasures of worldly pursuits, pleasures and enjoyments.
The fourth reason that our resolution
to lead a better life often fails, lies in the fact that we want immediately to
become saints. Many people, when they once feel an aversion to their sinful
behavior, make a firm resolve to change their ways and place a good beginning
towards this reform; but because this doesn’t happen as quickly as they would
like, and whether by habit or rashness they often fall into their old sins, they
lose heart and come to the conclusion that it’s impossible for them to change
their ways.
Brother! Sister! People don’t become
saints overnight. Our old man does not easily yield to being transformed into
the new man. A big tree is not felled by a single stroke of the ax. So it is
with each evil passion which’ is so firmly rooted in us. The way to perfection
or to spiritual maturity is almost always unnoticeable, just as are so many
things in nature.
A spiritual man passes through various
stages of growth, just like the physical man. Much time is spent in childhood
before reaching the fullness and strength of manhood. There is a long period of
weakness, and only then does one become stronger and stronger, until finally one
becomes a man. Only at this age is one capable of doing what is proper to a man.
Likewise, a ripened ear of corn is at first only a seed, then a small blade of
grass, then a stalk, and finally an ear of corn; but even this ear is not ripe
all at once, but grows, then flowers, then it tassels and only then does it
become ripe. The same is true of a righteous, life! Even the best man in the
world does not suddenly become a saint. His perfection for the most part
develops slowly and only little by little. Good earth which accepts into
itself a good seed brings forth fruit, says the Lord, in patience. (Lk
8:15).
To fall, of course, is not good, and it
were better not to; but he who falls and then quickly gets up, becomes wiser and
more careful, renews his good intention, fervently prays to God for new strength
to attain a righteous life. Falls are not such a hindrance for such a man on the
path to perfection. At the time of his fall, when he falleth, he shall find a
stay, i.e., strength (Sir 3:31) and like the Apostle Paul, strikes ahead
towards the mark of the prize of the high calling, forgetting those things
which are behind. (Phil 3:13).
The above, then, are some of the
reasons why our good intentions to turn away from sin and lead a better life are
often unfulfilled. Let us avoid these pitfalls; let us try to make our
resolution as definite as possible; let us remember more often and continually
to renew our decision, and let us not become faint-hearted if we do not at once
reach perfection, but let us courageously surmount the difficulties we meet
along the way in firm hope of God’s help.
From “The Conversations of Metropolitan Gregory of Novgorod,”
translated from the monthly periodical of St. Panteleimon’s Monastery on Mt.
Athos, January 1899, pp. 15-19.
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