It is at such a time that a turning point in religious life may
occur. The previous path of life has led to a dead end. One’s inner
condition seems abominable, although the young man or girl perhaps
cannot yet classify is as being sinful. There is a desire to find a true
and lofty meaning of life, since to live without finding such a meaning
means to lead a pitiful, colorless, aimless and senseless existence.
At this fateful moment when the young life reaches a
turning point, suddenly, by some unknown and mysterious means, a certain
light appears in the soul, a certain fresh and joyous feeling, a
certain hope that life is not meaningless.
Where does this certainty that life is not meaningless
come from? What is life? Up to now the young mind had been inclined
towards a mechanic view of the world - life is an aggregate of atoms and
forces, and their constant movement and interaction; life is a causal
collection of manifestations, whose sum total composes the entire
picture of cosmic, earthly and human existence. And suddenly within this
huge, boundless and soulless mechanism the young soul begins to
perceive the presence of something living, great, wise and beautiful -
the presence of God.
From where does this feeling arise?
Many circumstances can contribute to it; the main thing is
that the young person’s faith in his own infallibility has been broken,
he has deeply felt his inner bankruptcy. He no longer feels support
within himself. A need has arisen for another, more powerful support.
The soul stands at a certain crossroads. It finds itself
in a state of instability. Former influences and attractions have lost
their power over it. New forces have not yet determined themselves
within it. At this moment every jolt, no matter how insignificant, can
have an extraordinary and decisive influence on one’s entire life.
The sweet religious experiences of one’s childhood,
emerging from the soul’s subconscience, the ringing of church bells
heard unexpectedly, a religious book coming to hand, a meeting and
conversation with a profound believer, a visit to a monastery, the
silent and mysterious beauty of nature and many other factors can
contribute to a successful exit from the turning point of the soul. The
long-forgotten childhood faith will awaken, and will sweetly burn within
the soul as a brightly-shining guiding light. Life will suddenly gain
meaning, there will be a desire to live and work in the name of the new
ideal flaming in the soul. The old materialistic view of the world will
have turned out to be insolvent. The new religious world viewpoint will
warm the soul and give meaning to life.
Remembering my own youth, I find in it a confirmation that
it was precisely along this path, a path of an internal drama lasting
many years, that we returned to our lost religious world view and ideal.
The religious feeling which awakens in the soul immediately lights up
the world and life in a totally different manner. The young soul begins
to perceive the beauty and the majesty of the universe, attains a belief
in the lofty meaning and purpose of life, the heart opens up to an
acceptance of the Gospel. One feels the desire to go to church, to
attend services, to go to confession and partake of communion, even
though some heretic thoughts often remain. And when these new needs and
thoughts begin to manifest themselves in the young soul in place of the
chaos through which it had passed, then one can boldly say that such a
soul has been saved. There begins a new period of spiritual life, when,
having set himself firmly upon the rock of faith acquired through bitter
experience rather than reason, a person consciously begins to build his
life upon such a foundation.
Protopriest Sergey Chetverikov.
